Please … no crudities about the new vulva concept car.  Let’s be gentlemanly and tasteful here.  Volvo has showed its new, all-girl designed concept vehicle for ladies at the Geneva Motor Show.  And, attention being a positively genetic necessity for all lady designers, world-wide attention has it attracted.

The press has picked up on the fact that, given the chance apparently, girlies go for a nice, accessorisable set of wheels.  Know what I mean, John.  Good runner.  One lady owner.  Embroidered cloth interior - to match your mood, y’know.  Looks pretty in pink as a matter of fact.  Plenty of room for, erm … well, the whole thing’s a handbag, mate.  Take it from me, a bleedin’ handbag.  And a dressing table.  And a flower pot.

“I’m certain that our male customers will love this concept car,” says Hans-Olov Olsson, Volvo boss.  How male would that be, exactly?  Is Hans-Olov trying to tell us something about himself?

The obviously very male and authoritative writers at Concept Car have thought about the grip on reality of the women who brought forth this, er, creation.  One of them, Camilla Palmertz, is quoted as saying, “Most of our target group said they carry a bag in the rear seat far more often than passengers. So we decided to design that area primarily for storage but instantly convertible to seats for two passengers whenever needed.”

“Not so logical,” says Concept Car mildly, “… Normal rear seats are replaced by ‘cinema’ style fold-down seats which seems a rather drastic measure in response to the need to accommodate a bag.”

And though one would expect the spacially-challenged to rate parkability high on their list of priorities Concept Car concludes that, “… using a supermarket or underground car park with the YCC will be a truly novel experience.”

How lucky for us all, then, that Your Concept Car will never clog the arteries of our nation or distress the clogged arteries of our, naturally, sexist male drivers.  And, in fact, Volvo may not disagree.  Some of the design ideas could filter through to other Volvo projects.  But that appears to be about as far as this one will travel.

Still, I thought Camilla wasn’t a bad looker.  For a redhead.  And an engineer.  ‘Course, I’d never let her near the steering wheel of my Merc ...