Inside Bush and Blair

Here for your perusal and enjoyment is the transcript of the now infamous chat that Blair had with Bush during the G8 summit:

Bush: Yo, Blair. How are you doing?

Blair: I’m just…

Bush: You’re leaving?

Blair: No, no, no not yet. On this trade thingy….(inaudible)

“Trade thingy” is Blair’s ever-so-charming, Hugh-Grantish manner of referring to the WTO talks. Apparently, Bush’s diplomacy is derailing it, which is perhaps the most clear-sighted and wise act of his presidency.

Bush: Yeah, I told that to the man.

Blair: Are you planning to say that here or not?

Bush: If you want me to.

Blair: Well, it’s just that if the discussion arises…

Bush: I just want some movement.

Blair: Yeah.

Bush: Yesterday we didn’t see much movement.

Blair: No, no, it may be that it’s not, it may be that it’s impossible.

Bush: I am prepared to say it.

Blair: But it’s just I think what we need to be an opposition…

Bush: Who is introducing the trade?

Blair: Angela

Bush: Tell her to call ‘em.

Blair: Yes.

Bush: Tell her to put him on, them on the spot. Thanks for the sweater it’s awfully thoughtful of you.

Blair: It’s a pleasure.

Bush: I know you picked it out yourself.

How sweet. Are we paying you £200k a year to exchange sweaters (even very thoughtfully)?

Blair: Oh, absolutely, in fact (inaudible)

Bush: What about Kofi? (inaudible) His attitude to ceasefire and everything else ... happens.

Change of subject.

Blair: Yeah, no I think the (inaudible) is really difficult. We can’t stop this unless you get this international business agreed.

Bush: Yeah.

They’re talking about the situation in Lebanon. Blair is suggesting that the UN intervene, just as soon as they can drag themselves away from the sexual opportunities offered by starving, under-aged Congoes.

Blair: I don’t know what you guys have talked about, but as I say I am perfectly happy to try and see what the lie of the land is, but you need that done quickly because otherwise it will spiral.

Oh, please, Bush, let me go to Lebanon and pretend to be the Prime Minister of an independent nation.

Bush: I think Condi is going to go pretty soon.

Blair: But that’s, that’s, that’s all that matters. But if you… you see it will take some time to get that together.

Bush: Yeah, yeah.

Blair: But at least it gives people…

Bush: It’s a process, I agree. I told her your offer to…

Blair: Well… it’s only if I mean… you know. If she’s got a…, or if she needs the ground prepared as it were… Because obviously if she goes out, she’s got to succeed, if it were, whereas I can go out and just talk.

It seems that Blair has spent so long obstuficating the truth that he has lost the powers of ordinary human expression. The only vaguely sensical sentence in the above bilge is a remarkably revealing one: “I can go out and just talk”. Just as well really, all things considered, eh, Tone, old chum?

Bush: You see, the ... thing is what they need to do is to get Syria, to get Hizbollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over.

Blair: (inaudible)

Bush: (inaudible)

Given the quality of language evidenced in the first quote, that the latter two were inaudible was perhaps a relief!

Blair: Syria.

Bush: Why?

Blair: Because I think this is all part of the same thing.

Bush: Yeah.

Blair: What does he think? He thinks if Lebanon turns out fine, if we get a solution in Israel and Palestine, Iraq goes in the right way…

...somebody invents the elixir of immortality, war will end forever, and we will all be able to spend the whole day eating chocolate aboard Aviatory Porcusi. Back in the real world…

Bush: Yeah, yeah, he is sweet.

Blair: He is honey. And that’s what the whole thing is about. It’s the same with Iraq.

I have no doubt whatsoever that the currently unmolestered Christian communities of Syria do indeed consider Pres. Bashir Assad an absolute sweety, especially compared to the American regime in liberated Afghanistan.

Bush: I felt like telling Kofi to call, to get on the phone to Assad and make something happen.

Blair: Yeah.

Bush: (inaudible)

Blair:(inaudible)

Bush: We are not blaming the Lebanese government.

Blair: Is this…? (at this point Blair taps the microphone in front of him and the sound is cut.)

A simple question occures at this point. Do these men sound like the most powerful statesman in the world and his most important ally discussing the most pressing political dilemmas of the day? Or do they sound more like a pair of college frat-boys discussing their fellow slackers?

Posted by Alex Zeka on Tuesday, July 18, 2006 at 02:32 PM in World Affairs
Comments (8) | Tell a friend

Comments:

Next entry: Funny how that works…

Previous entry: Immigration critics making headway in State houses