Nazi Link

Posted by Guest Blogger on Thursday, 13 May 2010 17:30.

A game of skill to prepare you for your new career

by I. Bismuth

Introduction

Are you wondering how much longer you can hog that job that someone else could be doing, someone with better-qualified skin? Are you uncomfortably aware of being less vibrant than your colleagues? Are you feeling increasingly pale as you look around you? In short, are you guilty of working while White?

If you are, there is merely a delay in finding your innocent successor. I am sorry about nothing in this process except the delay. And yet here I am worrying about your future.

Not quite.

I confess that I struggled with my conscience for some time over how to justify lifting a finger to help you and your kind. As members of the guilty race*, you deserve everything you get and nothing you have. But driving me all my life has been a passionate rejection of prejudice of all kinds, and I have concluded that if I wilfully miss a chance to make a little money which I can use in the fight against prejudice merely on the grounds of avoiding doing what is unconscionable, that can only be because conscience itself has become a kind of prejudice and must ,therefore, be passionately rejected.

So I offer this employment advice to you who fully merit your coming termination, on condition that when you have used it to good effect and you start earning again, you send me my fee**, or better still, you send me your address and I’ll come and collect it myself.

The Game

My help comes in the form of the game Nazi Link, a training and development tool.

Many self-starters in need of a new direction already appreciate the exciting possibilities offered by Third Reiching as a career. When you read headlines like “Person X revealed to have had link to Nazis” or “Nazi link found to idea Y” or “Inanimate object Z was linked to Nazis“, you know that somewhere some lucky Third Reicher has hit the jackpot. One day it could be you. Actually, if you get it right, it will be you. Though luck will do you no harm, Nazi linking (providing a pretext for more talk about the runners up in World War Two) is a learned skill, and once you can come up with six new Nazi links before breakfast every day and not even be breathing hard, you can be confident that the contracts for documentaries, dramas, docudramas, tie-in book deals, and invitations to loll on chat show sofas will soon come flooding in.

The assumption that by now the richer seams of Nazi linkage must have been mined out is unwarranted, as evidenced by such recent best-selling titles as Goat-Keeping Under the Swastika, I Knew von Ribbentrop’s Dentist, and Favourite Recipes from the Bunker. And, of course, television output is undiminished: millions were enthralled by this year’s highly-acclaimed award-winning three-part dramatization of the tracking down of an outwardly respectable pensioner who once shook hands with a shopkeeper whose father knew the sister of the girlfriend of a man who admitted having passed through a kitchen in which Hitler’s secretary’s auntie’s milkman accidentally hurled two eggs underarm against the wall because he forgot he was holding them when he heiled her.

So there are many links still waiting for you, if only you are trained to see them. You may think you will never do it, but you must believe in yourself. You have it in you. Not one of the authors or producers responsible for these money-spinners was born with the knack of seeing Nazi links either: they had to practice, practice, practice every day, until it became second nature to them and they couldn’t see candles on a birthday cake without uttering sobering solemnities about torchlight parades. This is what Nazi Link will enable you to do.

So how is Nazi link played?

First, the basic equipment: you will need buzzers and chairman. The aim of the game is to see the link between a randomly chosen word, phrase or image and some aspect of the Third Reich. The chairman reveals the target item and the first player to buzz in gets a chance to answer. One link is worth one point. Each link has to be explained and the chairman has to be satisfied with the explanation. If he isn’t, one point is deducted. The chairman’s decision is final. Each extra link is worth two points. When the chairman judges that the player first on the buzzer has had long enough, the other players can buzz in with the links they can see, each bonus link being worth three points. With bonus links the penalty for not satisfying the chairman is the deduction of three points. Nazi link can be played among any number of players and, if there aren’t any other players, challenge yourself to be better than you were yesterday (the advantage of this is that you are your own chairman and your own decision is final). Any player who at any time claims there isn’t a link has to leave the game, so be careful what you say.]

Let’s look at a few examples. Take “Butterfly”. Where’s the Nazi link there? At first you are tempted to say there isn’t one. But don’t. Remember the last rule. Look carefully and think of all those contracts that will soon be coming your way.

Butterfly. Can you see it yet?

What is going through your mind? Is there a link between having six legs and being a Nazi?
Close, but try again.

Is there a link between flower-perching and being a Nazi?

Nearly there, but try again.

Is there a link between having beautiful wings and being a Nazi?

I hope you didn’t say that, because if you did, it was a guess, and guessing is no good. You have to be able to show your working.

Well, perhaps it was unfair to expect you to get the first one straightaway, especially when there are, in fact, two links. There is ‘butter’: what did not come before guns. And there is ‘fly’: what the Luftwaffe did.

Here’s another one: Mississippi.

Have you got it yet?

Yes, that’s right: the SS are mentioned twice.

Here are a few more:

Sticker: a homophone for the last two syllables of a certain easy-to-daub symbol.

3.36pm: a time of day, and there were many times of day in the thousand years between 1933 and 1945.

Bottle : what you needed in Germany then if you wanted to say the Nazis were not so wonderful and what you need now if you want to say they were not so bad.

Lunch: Goering was a notorious luncher.

Snap: a card game, and cards come in four suits, one of which is clubs, and club is what Goebbels’s right foot was.

Brushes: have bristles in them and so did the Fuehrer’s moustache.

Beethoven’s Opus 27. No.2: was written for the piano and pianos have piano wire in them.

Rain: Nazis without umbrellas got wet.

Window-cleaning: an occupation, and the Nazis went in for a lot of occupation.

Needlework: it needs concentration.

Curtains: what it was for the Third Reich when Admiral Doenitz became president.

Socks: the Nazis were wearing them when they marched into Paris.

Igloo: the result of non-Aryan snow-handling.

Reaching up to a high shelf: difficult to do without making a suspicious gesture.

Tomorrow Belongs to You Minus What You Owe Me

So there you have it. You know the rules of Nazi Link. What you need now is practice, practice, practice. Open a book or newspaper at random, close your eyes, put your finger on the page, and whatever the word or phrase or image you light on, look for the hidden Hakenkreuz. It’s there. Can you see it? If you can’t, you need more practice. Switch on the television, switch on the radio, switch on all your gadgets. Can you see the Nazi link? It’s there too. When it jumps out at you wherever you look and wherever you listen, your re-training will be complete, and a newly-unredundant you will be ready to take your first golden goose-steps.

* By “guilty race” I mean guilty race. There can never be too much bold emphasis for the historical guilt born by the likes of you .

** I am setting my fee at 25% of your first year’s gross income, but this is subject to revision without notice.

(I. Bismuth is Professor of Bloody Sensitivity Studies at The University of Sunlit Uplands.)

Tags: I Bismuth

Comments:

Posted by danielj on Thu, 13 May 2010 20:42 | #

When you read headlines like “Person X revealed to have had link to Nazis” or “Nazi link found to idea Y” or “Inanimate object Z was linked to Nazis“, you know that somewhere some lucky Third Reicher has hit the jackpot.

Don’t you mean hit the jackboot?

So, this is like Six Degrees of Separation for fascists then?

Posted by sirrealpolitik on Fri, 14 May 2010 01:22 | #

Lemon Meringue Pie

-> pi is a number -> so is sixmillionjews
-> Meiringen is a German-speaking town in Switzerland -> Hitler spoke German
-> Lemons are yellow -> blondes have yellow hair -> Blondi was Hitler’s dog’s name

Posted by James Bowery on Fri, 14 May 2010 03:09 | #

I can see the potential here for a new avant-garde movement pushing the boundaries of abstract symbolism to spiritual heights never before bid in the hallowed halls of Sotheby’s!

Posted by jamesUK on Fri, 14 May 2010 13:53 | #

Ron Paul Stubbornly Fails To Understand Principles of Economics

May 11, 2010 (LPAC)—Texas Congressman Ron Paul (R) attacked the Federal Reserve commitment to extend swap deals to Europe as part of the $1 trillion bailout package, as well as having the U.S. ante up $57 billion for the IMF bailout portion of the operation. Paul told Fox Business News that the “monetization of debt” would lead to runaway inflation and crashing of currencies, and promoted the merits of gold as the solution.

Lyndon LaRouche, in reply to an e-mail query about supporting Paul’s ideas, and his potential candidacy for the Presidency, answered:

“Congressman Ron Paul has done useful things, some very important ones, on specific issues; but, he continues to lack a competent notion of economy.

“A competent notion of American economy, since the Massachusetts Bay Colony for as long as it was under the rulership led by the Winthrops and Mathers, is based on a notion of physical economy, and treats money as Franklin and Hamilton did, and also Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt: as a matter of the use of a credit-system for the regulation of traffic in what were actually physical-economic values, rather than monetary ones.

“The stubborn failure of Representative Paul on this account, thus far, has always been the crippling error in his thinking which has warned me not to give an implied blanket endorsement to his seeking the Presidency. He does not really understand the essential principles of our American System as Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, Henry Carey, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt, and I have demonstrated.

“The urgent issue of policy at this moment, is centered in the fact that every witting patriot will demand urgent imposition of a return to the Glass-Steagall principle as I understand it, both as a matter of principle, and the basis for a competent American strategy at this moment.”

http://www.larouchepac.com/node/14440

Posted by graham_lister on Fri, 14 May 2010 23:55 | #

talking of sweden

http://www.brusselsjournal.com/node/938

Posted by Jews were history's greatest mass murderers on Sat, 15 May 2010 04:22 | #

Stalin’s Jews

We mustn’t forget that some of greatest murderers of modern times were Jewish
Sever Plocker

Here’s a particularly forlorn historical date: Almost 90 years ago, between the 19th and 20th of December 1917, in the midst of the Bolshevik revolution and civil war, Lenin signed a decree calling for the establishment of The All-Russian Extraordinary Commission for Combating Counter-Revolution and Sabotage, also known as Cheka.

Within a short period of time, Cheka became the largest and cruelest state security organization. Its organizational structure was changed every few years, as were its names: From Cheka to GPU, later to NKVD, and later to KGB.

We cannot know with certainty the number of deaths Cheka was responsible for in its various manifestations, but the number is surely at least 20 million, including victims of the forced collectivization, the hunger, large purges, expulsions, banishments, executions, and mass death at Gulags.

Whole population strata were eliminated: Independent farmers, ethnic minorities, members of the bourgeoisie, senior officers, intellectuals, artists, labor movement activists, “opposition members” who were defined completely randomly, and countless members of the Communist party itself.

In his new, highly praised book “The War of the World, “Historian Niall Ferguson writes that no revolution in the history of mankind devoured its children with the same unrestrained appetite as did the Soviet revolution. In his book on the Stalinist purges, Tel Aviv University’s Dr. Igal Halfin writes that Stalinist violence was unique in that it was directed internally.

Lenin, Stalin, and their successors could not have carried out their deeds without wide-scale cooperation of disciplined “terror officials,” cruel interrogators, snitches, executioners, guards, judges, perverts, and many bleeding hearts who were members of the progressive Western Left and were deceived by the Soviet regime of horror and even provided it with a kosher certificate.

All these things are well-known to some extent or another, even though the former Soviet Union’s archives have not yet been fully opened to the public. But who knows about this? Within Russia itself, very few people have been brought to justice for their crimes in the NKVD’s and KGB’s service. The Russian public discourse today completely ignores the question of “How could it have happened to us?” As opposed to Eastern European nations, the Russians did not settle the score with their Stalinist past.

And us, the Jews? An Israeli student finishes high school without ever hearing the name “Genrikh Yagoda,” the greatest Jewish murderer of the 20th Century, the GPU’s deputy commander and the founder and commander of the NKVD. Yagoda diligently implemented Stalin’s collectivization orders and is responsible for the deaths of at least 10 million people. His Jewish deputies established and managed the Gulag system. After Stalin no longer viewed him favorably, Yagoda was demoted and executed, and was replaced as chief hangman in 1936 by Yezhov, the “bloodthirsty dwarf.”

Yezhov was not Jewish but was blessed with an active Jewish wife. In his Book “Stalin: Court of the Red Star”, Jewish historian Sebag Montefiore writes that during the darkest period of terror, when the Communist killing machine worked in full force, Stalin was surrounded by beautiful, young Jewish women.

Stalin’s close associates and loyalists included member of the Central Committee and Politburo Lazar Kaganovich. Montefiore characterizes him as the “first Stalinist” and adds that those starving to death in Ukraine, an unparalleled tragedy in the history of human kind aside from the Nazi horrors and Mao’s terror in China, did not move Kaganovich.

Many Jews sold their soul to the devil of the Communist revolution and have blood on their hands for eternity. We’ll mention just one more: Leonid Reichman, head of the NKVD’s special department and the organization’s chief interrogator, who was a particularly cruel sadist.

In 1934, according to published statistics, 38.5 percent of those holding the most senior posts in the Soviet security apparatuses were of Jewish origin. They too, of course, were gradually eliminated in the next purges. In a fascinating lecture at a Tel Aviv University convention this week, Dr. Halfin described the waves of soviet terror as a “carnival of mass murder,” “fantasy of purges”, and “essianism of evil.” Turns out that Jews too, when they become captivated by messianic ideology, can become great murderers, among the greatest known by modern history.

The Jews active in official communist terror apparatuses (In the Soviet Union and abroad) and who at times led them, did not do this, obviously, as Jews, but rather, as Stalinists, communists, and “Soviet people.” Therefore, we find it easy to ignore their origin and “play dumb”: What do we have to do with them? But let’s not forget them. My own view is different. I find it unacceptable that a person will be considered a member of the Jewish people when he does great things, but not considered part of our people when he does amazingly despicable things.

Even if we deny it, we cannot escape the Jewishness of “our hangmen,” who served the Red Terror with loyalty and dedication from its establishment. After all, others will always remind us of their origin.