“Violent sex attack on prostitute” yelled the hotlink copy on BBC News’ front page.  Attuned to Mattra’s Tawana redux I clicked and up came the story.

A prostitute was picked up and driven to an area of Preston where she was raped and violently assaulted, police in Lancashire have said.

The attacker picked up the woman early last Sunday morning in a red light area and took her to Queen Street in Avenham where he attacked her.

OK, so now for the big question ... whodunnit?

The man is described as being aged about 30, about 6ft tall, of medium build with a tanned complexion.

Tanned complexion?  What does that mean, for pete’s sake.  Has he just come back from holiday?  Or ... ah, could it be a tortuous, new bit of Pee-Cee, and the doubtless brown-skinned police spokeman, Det Insp Justin Srivastava, just couldn’t bring himself to finger one of his own folks?  If so, that would be a pretty pathetic way of going on, even for Lancashire Police (first item on their website: The Diversity Strategy Launch).

But then I read this:-

Det Insp Justin Srivastava said: “This was a particularly nasty attack on a street worker and I would appeal to any member of the street working community who has any information to come forward as soon as possible.

“I would also like to reassure the public that these types of incidents are very rare.

“However, street workers in particular need to remain vigilant and take sensible precautions, if possible, by working in pairs.”

Now, we have been lumbered with the euphemistic “sex workers” for some time, although its use is restricted to politicians, broadcasters and the Inland Revenue, as well as some of the prostitutes themselves.  Most of the latter, though, are probably better acquainted with being called a “working girl” or, more specifically, a “slag”, “tart”, “whore” or, indeed, “bag bride”.

But street worker?  Which moronic Home Office word-Marxist circulated the offending Guidance to all police forces this time?

No matter, Lancashire Police and their vibrant new spokesman, Detective Inspector Shrivel ... Starve ... their vibrant new spokesman, anyway, are proving to be bang on the cutting edge of modern policing for confident, safer, and secure neighbourhoods, where people know that the police and partners understand the issues that matter most to them.  Blah, blah.

Joke: What do you get with street workers working in pairs?  Your bins emptied.