You, oh lucky reader, are a liberal academic … and ambitious.  Just like Professor Carl Parsons, in fact.  (Yes, yes – I know that in reality you are almost as reactionary and shamelessly bigoted as me.  But just pretend, ok?)

You feel you have it in you to become an official “education expert”.  And why not? Educational spending is going through the roof with New Labour.  The Project can’t be managed without academics to do the intellectual heavy lifting.  You just need to find yourself the right specialism, something that no one else has snaffled yet.

Then, one fine day it hits you in the face.  Or your son’s face, actually.  At school.  The offender was excluded, naturally.  But what’s one more black heading for gang culture and multiple absent fatherhood?  Well … opportunity with a capital O, as it happens.  And don’t let’s have any of that evil pseudo-science about black ST rythmicity or, heaven help us, psychometrics.

A quick check to see which other bien pensants are running with this.  Nobody, really.  Virtually a virgin field - a hot button issue with a red-hot button, liberal title: Exclusion.  Not Social Exclusion, it’s true.  Too sexy for words, that one.  But it could be the next best thing, remuneratively speaking: school pupil exclusions.  Ah, the liberal love of raising up the villain to the status of victim – for the good of society and academics, too.

So your peers actually begin to respect you.  Amazing.  You are asked to address academic conferences, write articles, even a book.  But the real joy is the government-commissioned research and reports.  The Education Minister telephones regularly.  He parcels out a lot of moolah to you to come up with the answers he wants (and I mean quite a lot of moolah).  And he’s not the only one.  You even go international.  Stuff like:-

National Evaluation of the Leadership Programme for Serving Headteachers (with University of Nottingham)
Director: Professor Carl Parsons
Duration: January - November 1999
Funding: TTA/DFEE £49,000
Publications: Final Report to DfEE February 2000, BERA conference paper 2001

Reintegrating Permanently Excluded Young People
Director: Professor Carl Parsons
Duration: January - November 1999
Funding: INCLUDE £26,000
Publication: Investigating the Reintegration of Permanently Excluded Young People in England INCLUDE, 8 High Street, Ely.

Evaluation of The Children’s Society GENESIS project in a South London School
Director: Professor Carl Parsons
Duration: January - April 2000
Funding: The Children’s Society £5,000
Outcome:  BERA conference paper September 2001

The Outcomes in Secondary Education for Children Excluded from Primary School (with University of Portsmouth)
Director: Professor Carl Parsons
Duration: August 1999 - July 2000
Funding: DFEE £39,000                                  
Outcome:  Outcomes in Secondary Education for Children Excluded from Primary School, DfEE Research Report 271 (2001).

Promoting the Inclusion of Young People in School and Community - Thanet/Lille Development and Vocational Integration (with Charles de Gaulle University, Lille)
Director: Professor Carl Parsons
Duration: January 2000 - December 2001
Funding: INTERREG (European Regional Development Fund) £37,000
Outcome: BERA Conference Paper, Lille, 2000

Evaluation of Violence Against Women ‘Education and Awareness Raising’ Projects
Director: Professor Carl Parsons
Duration: January 2001 - September 2002
Funding:  Home Office, £120,000

Local Evaluation of the On Track programme in London and the Eastern Region
Director : Professor Carl Parsons
Duration : October 2000 - March 2003
Funding : Home Office £201,000
Outcome : Reports on crime prevention impact attributable to Home Office funding.

You actually meet Tony Blair.  He’s sooo … nice.  Gets your first name wrong, but says he read a paper of yours a few months ago.  Can’t remember the title off the top of his head.  Shame that.  But it was extremely impressive, he says.  You buy it, of course.  You aren’t used to flattery from Prime Ministers.  You are sure it must have been that last one about black exclusions.  That really did go down very well at the Home Office.

Yes, that’s the answer, really.  More and more work on the black angle.  That’s what Tony likes.  That’s what they all like.

Now you reckon you’re really in the loop.  You fantasise about Cherie including you on the No.10 Christmas Card List.  Surely then it’s just a matter of time before it will be the New Year’s Honours List.  You just need to hit the jackpot.  I mean, Nottingham uni and Lille are all very well, as far as they go.  But they don’t go far enough for a man like you.

And then it comes to you.  Middle of the night.  Lying awake … and bingo.  Institutional racism.  That’s it, of course.  Why didn’t you think of it earlier?  All you have to do is to come out with the finding that our schools are institutionally racist.  Well, it’s all the rage.  Everybody’s doing it.  Why not you?

Prospects splendid.  Fame assured.  Gong distinctly possible.  Consequences for schools, did you say?  Irrelevant.  You can’t let anything get in the way of progress.  It’s what liberals are on this planet for.