Filed for The Guardian by Trinidad N’siswe

Of 536 same-sex couples of all ages who tied the knot in December 2005, after same-sex civil union became law in the United Kingdom, almost half are now divorced or living apart.

Research published by the Social Policy Foundation suggests that male same-sex civil partnerships are far more likely to fail than female, and both exceed the rate of failure of heterosexual marriage.

Male same-sex partnerships are ten times more likely to split up within the first year of a relationship than heterosexual marriages.  Female same-sex partnerships are three times more likely to see a separation within the same period.

One in five of the divorced or separated males interviewed by the SPF cited irreconcilable differences as the cause of their separation.  14% cited desertion.  61% cited infidelity.  Only 2% described the separation as “amicable”.

Three-quarters agreed with the proposition that “occasional” infidelity is “inevitable” in a same-sex partnership.  The same figure agreed with the proposition that “the test of a relationship’s strength is forgiveness”.

Muriel Legova of the Gay & Lesbian Rights Team at the SPF said, “Sadly, in practise forgiveness is not always forthcoming.  There seem to be three phases through which failing same-sex partnerships quite quickly pass.  At first there is the optimistic honeymoon period.  But all-too-soon that gives way to what may be a make-or-break period of adjustment.”

“It is apparent that many male same-sex couples who have not lived together long enough prior to civil union to have negotiated this phase find adjustment challenging.”

“Finally, there is a phase of lowered expectations during which more openness often enters the relationship and infidelities are acknowledged.  This is the main stumbling block for most same-sex partnerships, as it would be for any other kind.”

John Standfast, the outspoken Conservative MP for Tunbridge Wells and a member of the right-wing True Blue group at Westminster, responded to Ms Legova by asking, “How many other kinds are there, then?  On second thoughts, don’t answer that question.”

“It is obvious to any thinking person that gay marriage will have a lower level of commitment than marriage between a man and woman, which is the foundation of our way of life.  Every effort should be made to strengthen that foundation.  Instead, we are governed by a rights culture that is all about selfishness and has no interest in the greater good of society.”

Dan Hernia of the Blossom Cooperative, a self-help group for same-sex divorcees, attacked the SPF’s findings as “unwelcome”, “flawed” and “lazy”.

He said, “When same-sex partnerships were researched in Sweden the evidence was of more stability than in straight marriage.  The SPF’s sample was heavily drawn from London and Brighton, which are major centres for young gays and the more transient lifestyle.  It was lazy research.  They just couldn’t be bothered to seek out a proper national sample.”

“There’s no going back anyway,” Mr Hernia said, “Blossom campaigns for full equality between gays and straights.  We want the law changed to give gays the same right to marry as anybody else.  If there is a tendency in this country for civil partnerships to be less enduring, inequality is the sole reason.”

Ms Legova admitted to being “surprised” by her findings.  But she said the huge disparity between the stability of gay male and straight partnerships was “disquieting” and “couldn’t just be wished away”.

“There does,” she said, “appear to be a difficulty with promiscuity among gay males even after civil union.”

Ms Legova, 35, lives in rural Somerset with her same-sex lover and the four children from their respective marriages.