Go Jacques! Go Paris!

Posted by Guessedworker on Tuesday, 05 July 2005 10:12.

So, Anglo-French tensions have “heightened last night after Jacques Chirac delivered a series of insults to Britain as London and Paris fought to secure the 2012 Olympic Games and faced fresh disagreement at the G8 summit.”

Great. Let’s hope the IOC is so impressed by Jacque’s Gallic charm that it awards not only the 2012 Olympics to heterosexually Gay Paree but 2016 as well ... and 2020, 2024 and beyond. I see no reason why the French taxpayer should not fund the Games in perpetuity. Speaking for myself, though, I would prefer to hang on to my income to save or spend as befits my needs.

The next best option to inflicting actual bodily pain on the French wallet would be to forego the Olympian expense and scrub the competitive side of the Games completely. Medals should simply be awarded according to tradition.

So ... in athletics the “blue riband” 100m Mens medals could be divided up quite appropriately between two black Americans and anutha brutha from the Caribbean. Kenya could have a clean sweep of the long distance medals, of course. Britain would be allotted a women’s archery gold and do jolly well in almost all the most obscure sailing categories.

This would mean that the papers could write their stories of plucky Brit defeat, dropped batons and positive drug-tests months, even years before the sacred flame is lit. The free-wheeling closing ceremony, which nobody pays much attention to, could take place in advance of the big set-piece opening one, which everybody seems to think terribly important - though I have no idea why. In fact, one ceremony could be run straight into the other. It’s only efficient and obviously a winning formula. I can’t think why nobody has come up with it before.

Best of all, non-English people like David Aaronovitch can enjoy the vibrant, outdoor life of their MultiCult melting pot without being torn away to watch grown men jumping into a sandpit all day (medals for Brazil, America, Cuba or diverse similarities). London is so very youthful and exciting now there are so few Londoners in it, not a second should be spent away from drinking it all in.

And Paris? Well, it’s just not the same. A museum. No wonder Jacques is envious of Tony.

I bet one or two of those French Muslims can go some over 1500m, though.

Tags: Humour

Comments:

Posted by Guessedworker on Tue, 05 Jul 2005 14:49 | #

Cynicism? No, John. I am a sincere supporter of M.Chirac in his gallant bid to keep the 2012 Games from coming to Multi-Cultinium.

Furthermore, I happily grant French males their suzereignty among devotees of cold soup. The stuff will obviously serve them well with Peak Oil. And Vichy certainly kept the Germans in their place (every else in the country). I’m not quite so sure it will work with those funny North African chaps who want to put Madeleine in a burka. But perhaps Jean-Pierre will put away his chef’s hat and find his onions in time to prevent that.

Cynicism? Me? No, not a bit.

Posted by Matra on Tue, 05 Jul 2005 17:05 | #

What the hell were the Russian and German leaders laughing at? Do they think their cuisine is any better? Good to know our world leaders are so mature. And this is before Dubya shows up with a peanut butter or nacho stain on his jacket.

Posted by Phil on Tue, 05 Jul 2005 21:32 | #

Speaking as a semi-Londoner (I work here), I bloody well don’t want the games awarded to London. It boggles the mind to think of what the morning commute would be like during that time….......

Its a bloody waste of money. We have enough holy cows of the politicians to fund. We don’t need another. Screw it.

Posted by Guessedworker on Wed, 06 Jul 2005 16:02 | #

Perhaps if I had said “Allez Jacques” he wouldn’t have screwed up so badly.

54 votes to 50, apparently. Apart from the cost factor and the inevitable bureaucratic waste involved in any mega governmental exercise, I object heartily to the shameless propagandising that will accompany the run-up to 2012.

I see that, interviewed in Singapore by ITV News at lunchtime, Ken Livingstone said that the regeneration of East London would give something to the poor who have had very little for thirty or forty years (his exact words). What poor is he talking about within that timeframe, exactly?

Posted by Phil on Wed, 06 Jul 2005 20:56 | #

Yes the beneficiaries of this - Livingstone, Tony Blair, Geldof (to some extent).........not quite the cause for celebration that it is made out to be.

Posted by Andrew L on Fri, 08 Jul 2005 20:24 | #

Yeh but the pom Tabloid response was good, “Yeh Jacques, and you are full of Crappe”. People do realise , once he looses Presidency, He has, and will spend a lot of time in Gaol, some twenty charges of corruption await him. It is, holding Presidency at the moment that has him ammuned from the charges, and typical of the socialist Elite, Rape pillage and plunder, you can see the corrilation with Islam now.